Battered Wives!

This is an unedited version of an article I wrote for my newspaper about a year ago ...its kinda old but its about going into the lives of battered wives which often happens behind closed doors.

They have found comfort in pain; the scars on their bodies have become a mark which shall remain in them for ever. A majority of the women have taken up the responsibility of making sacrifices and compromises because of the universal fact that women are the weaker sex.

Their life has become darkness from love, how they wish they could scream out what they are going through. Their pleasures in life is just looking after their house, their children and tolerating the muscularity of the men.

Do they have a choice? For most of those battered wives, there seems to be no choice. As most Bhutanese believe that what ever happens in their present life is because of all the bad deeds they have done in their previous lives. “Tse nge mei ley,” they say.

Women today, even a few of those who are educated, are beaten almost to death by their husbands. “I was almost killed by my husband, he beat me up and almost strangled me to death,” said Lhamo, a mother of four children and an every day victim of her husband’s mood swings.

A woman all over is battered, and in most cases the batterer is a member of her own family. A majority of the batterer are the husbands.

According to the statistics of the Forensic Medicine Unit, Jigme Dorji Wangchuck National Referral Hospital (JDWNRH), there have been 81 cases of wife battery in the year 2005.

Most of these cases were Thimphu residents, while the others were from all over Bhutan. “We even had a case of wife battery all the way from Trashi Yangtse,” said Dr. Pakila Drukpa, Forensic Specialist.

Among those who have reported to the hospital, 65% were unemployed, 10% were business women and another 10% comprised of civil servants. A majority (65%) of the battering of wives happened during the first 10 years of marriage. Even a composition of 9% was wives who were married for more than 20 years.

Two third of the cases of the battered wives were between the age of 15-45. In most cases, the nature of the force or weapon used to batter their wives were punching and fist blows, slapping, pulling hair, gripping and squeezing body parts, kicking, shoving, pushing and scratching.

Husbands have used weapons like wooden sticks and clubs, knives, cables and wires, bottles, pipes, umbrellas and broom sticks to use on their wives.

According to the Forensic Medicine Unit records, in some cases the husbands had also threatened to kill the wives and locked them up inside the room or the house.

One of the main reasons which lead to wife battery is the consumption of alcohol by the husbands. “My husband always comes home drunk, and he just does not need a reason to hit me. He picks up on small things, even if I ask him to have his dinner, he somehow gets offended for no reason and he hits me,” said Tshering Pemo, a tortured wife of an alcoholic husband.

Although in a few cases wives are battered by the husband because of the alcohol problem of the wife. The other reasons which lead to wife battery are husband’s adultery, jealousy by the husband, arguments over money matters and children, affairs on both sides.

There have also been a few cases where the wives were beaten up because of the argument over the husband’s attempt to molest the daughter.

The other common reason is the argument following his attempt to have sexual intercourse with the wife. “Sometimes, my husband wants to have sexual intercourse in the middle of the night when I am fast asleep. Then if I even make a small comment on it, he beats me up. He has beaten me up many times and he has used the side table on me,” said Tashi Dema, a teacher and a victim of her husband’s short temperedness.

However some of these cases go unreported because of the fear of reprisal by the husband. “Even if we know it’s a battering case, they lie to us saying they fell or it was an accident,” said Dr Pakila Drukpa.

The other reasons are fear of marital breakdown, concern about repercussion on children and because of lack of family and social support, earlier mild force and threats, to avoid hassles over lengthy police and court formalities and the tradition where beatings by husbands are socially accepted.

“I am scared to report that I am beaten because my husband is the only bread earner in the family. If he leaves me what will happen to me and my children. I need him and have to tolerate all these to be financially supported by him,” said Chhimi Lhamo, a really frustrated wife.

Regarding previous incidents of battery, there has been a temporary cessation in the use of physical force on the husband’s behavior.

However, in a few cases there has been no change in the abusive behaviors or the husbands have become more abusive and used more physical force. So far there has been no death but wife battery has led to self mutilation.

In a few cases, it has led to the beating of up of the children by the mother herself. “It is very frustrating when you are being beaten up and your children keep crying and nagging you. It’s not their fault but then you can not help it when you are so torn and heart broken. You just unconsciously beat up your children and regret it later,” said Deki Wangmo, a civil servant.

According to the police spokesperson, most cases are withdrawn the next morning, the reason, because they wives feel they are dependent on the husbands. “It is wrong to say domestic violence or wife battery has decreased.

It will be much safer for them if women come up and put up a complaint against it,” said a police spokesperson. RENEW has also seen a few cases of wife battery, according to Tshering Dolkar of RENEW, they have been providing back ups with the related agencies for such women. They have been assisting on providing advices to these women and in the long run they plan on building shelter homes for the economically disadvantaged women.