The end...the beginning!

I asked for another shot of Vodka, another double and then another.

The day was what I would call today, “D-Day.”

It was the day which gave me the freedom to finally be the real me. It was a day I had waited for all the while.

A set of mixed feelings had overcome me, I was happy but I was sad as well.My best friend called it “a state of confusion which gave me happiness.” True were her words.

What I feared the most was that it happened when I wasn’t ready at all. It just came suddenly and one signature on the paper from me was gonna decide it all.

I sat there, with the paper infront of me and a pen in my hand, looking out my window, wondering if should sign it or not. I must have read it over and over again, looking for some flaws so that I could send it back, so that I would have more time to think about it. But everything was perfect, what ever was required was there, the only thing missing was my signature.

I started to think about the very first time we got into a relationship.

Were we ever in love? I wonder.

No we were never; only circumstances bonded us to this life time commitment which was soon to be over. We were never happy together? We were not the same? The only thing that kept us together for three years was the bond. Bondage we never really approved from our hearts.We were miserable in this bondage, and it wasn’t fair on him to force himself to be in this bondage and neither was it for me.

I always thought a fine person like him deserved much more. I felt guilty keeping him tied to a relationship which had no future. I always thought we could be friends for the future of the one person we both loved so much. But I was wrong; we were just screwing up each other’s lives.

At that moment, going our own ways would have made me the happiest.

I wished for everything to end, to have my own freedom, to have happiness in my life without having to associate with him at all.

The first sight of the paper made me truly smile after three years. I was happy that it had come to me finally. But then at the same time, a sudden fear made me realize I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to face this world alone as a single mother.

I didn’t want my son to grow up saying, “my parents don’t live together anymore.” I didn’t want my son to grow up in a single mother’s home.I feared that my son would grow up to become an angry teenager, hating his parents for doing this to him. I feared that my son might suffer just because the parents wanted to be happy.

But then on the other hand, I look at how unhappy we both have been. I see myself crying everyday, wishing life turned out right for me. I see a person with a lot of self respect losing it because he got himself into a mess with me.

I could see my son growing up in a very unhealthy atmosphere at home.I close my eyes, take a deep breath and tell myself that if I don’t do this today, there will be three people who will be unhappy for a lifetime.

And if I do sign it, things will always take its shape into brining all three of us a better future if not a better present.

I finally sign it.

An end to another chapter of my life and a beginning to yet another completely new chapter.